How I got my soul back

as I held onto the wall I almost poured out my entire soul until he stopped me
as my conscious came to the understanding
that I had lost the woman that had birthed me
he tried to make eye contact with me
trying to tell me that I should not cry like that
that I should remain calm

as he held my arm and slowly brought me back to my new present
I did not even have the strength to get his hands off of me

as we were leaving the only thing I could feel was the cold
my lips were cold from the last kisses I gave her

it took me a long time to get my soul back from the brink of death
it took me a long time to feel anything else but the cold
for a long time I found a home within the loss and no one knew how to reach me
for a long time I only felt death while my legs kept moving aimlessly here on earth

Now I am here to tell you how I got my soul back.

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Fine doesn’t mean fine.

EVERYTHING IS OKAY
while my  anxiety rules every single healthy thought I used to have

LIFE IS GREAT
yes, I am firming this smile
if I stop smiling, the tears will start
last time I cried so hard my heart skipped a beat

DON’T WORRY
I keep forgetting the happy memories
is like the pain has swallowed the little bit of happiness I had left

I AM FINE 
I am still breathing even though my soul plays with death every night

My Mama’s Mama

Macooyo

lets talk while we cover our fingertips in henna
let’s talk and get some understanding

you lost a lot, you have been through a lot and still you pray
and still you bow your head in submission
let faith give you the strength to keep on moving
now you pray from your chair still, for salvation, health, protection
you pray for me, you pray for us, you pray for the souls that have left us
you pray for this entire temporary world, each word overflowing with sincerity

you are one of the reasons why I found my way back to God
you are my sabr in a world that is so temporary
you are my reminder that faith will keep the heart alive
so lets talk, make some memories and let the henna work its magic