Feed your belly

I am going to make real love and feed it to myself slowly

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Finally.

The girl from outside

After 25 years of being born and raised outside I decided it was time to visit home for the first time. The things I was met with, the conversations, the judgement and the curiosity sometimes felt overwhelming. The way I moved, my appearance and even the way I spoke changed. It was if my voice, my inner voice got louder and instead of ignoring it I let it speak. I had no other choice but to trust myself fully even when it led to mistakes and some embarrassment. Meeting new people, meeting old people that knew the soul who birthed me and to live in the house she was born and raised felt like home coming. Home taught me about the past, the history of my loved ones and more importantly how all of that fits in my own identity. This experience I believe did not change me, it helped me to discover parts of me that I neglected for 25 years.

Time is not always on your side.

There is a lot of guilt that we all carry in our day to day lives. We want to be there for our loved ones, work on ourselves and contribute to the world. Sometimes something has to suffer, you have your priorities. I think we should focus on the quality of time that we are spending and giving and not on the quantity. When you are with your parents is your mind fully present or are you thinking of your other responsibilities? Do you make them smile, do you have deep conversation, do you give your undivided attention and support? There will always be a sense of guilt when we cannot give more time to a loved one, a cause or anything that is close to us. I believe that guilt is there because the love is there. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Reflect, evaluate, communicate and move on.

 

Keep trying.
Peace.