Wash Day

unzip the rib cage
take out the lines of linen
one by one wash them in the pools of their eyes
wring out the shame of your family tree
throw them into the air
let the sun burn them back to new
catch them and slowly fold them back into yourself

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Keep on breathing.

when the sirens come
know that I am holding in my breath
because when the sirens come
and I exhale
I have to face change
change I didn’t ask for
change I never prayed for
but change I need to give that nod to

Apparently closure means complete acceptance
accepting of what has been lost and what it is left in your present
So do we ever find closure in grief… do we ever stop grieving?

closure is complete acceptance
to accept I may need to unclench my fists and let go of my old breath

How I got my soul back

as I held onto the wall I almost poured out my entire soul until he stopped me
as my conscious came to the understanding
that I had lost the woman that had birthed me
he tried to make eye contact with me
trying to tell me that I should not cry like that
that I should remain calm

as he held my arm and slowly brought me back to my new present
I did not even have the strength to get his hands off of me

as we were leaving the only thing I could feel was the cold
my lips were cold from the last kisses I gave her

it took me a long time to get my soul back from the brink of death
it took me a long time to feel anything else but the cold
for a long time I found a home within the loss and no one knew how to reach me
for a long time I only felt death while my legs kept moving aimlessly here on earth

Now I am here to tell you how I got my soul back.

My home in the sky

She needed a moment. A time out. A peace out. She needed to get herself out of her thoughts and get herself back with… So she excited the four walls, walked up a hill and looked around. All around her were trees that helped her breathe and then she remembered to look up. You see… for a long time she had forgotten how the sky was her escape, her home away from home. She had been looking down for a while and trying to close her eyes during prayer, during meditation but her focus had been off.  Shaky at best. So she found a perfect spot under an old tree and laid on the grass. According to yoga,  she’s doing the corps pose, but if you ask her she is getting back to basics, being with the ground. Her body slowly changed its breathing and her eyes, it was like the first time a baby seeing Mama. She couldn’t stop smiling and was just focused on her home in the sky. Her mind was at ease, cool and calm. She,  for a moment was untouchable.

 

 

Fine doesn’t mean fine.

EVERYTHING IS OKAY
while my  anxiety rules every single healthy thought I used to have

LIFE IS GREAT
yes, I am firming this smile
if I stop smiling, the tears will start
last time I cried so hard my heart skipped a beat

DON’T WORRY
I keep forgetting the happy memories
is like the pain has swallowed the little bit of happiness I had left

I AM FINE 
I am still breathing even though my soul plays with death every night

I am not your witness

by whispering to me
whilst my eyes were betraying my heart
you tried to own me from within
slowly your voice filled up my hours
this home became your house

I needed my soul back
so I put a world in between us
as you poured yourself into your words
I would sit there and let my heart overrule your thoughts

now you are living
without a witness
without my presence