How I got my soul back

as I held onto the wall I almost poured out my entire soul until he stopped me
as my conscious came to the understanding
that I had lost the woman that had birthed me
he tried to make eye contact with me
trying to tell me that I should not cry like that
that I should remain calm

as he held my arm and slowly brought me back to my new present
I did not even have the strength to get his hands off of me

as we were leaving the only thing I could feel was the cold
my lips were cold from the last kisses I gave her

it took me a long time to get my soul back from the brink of death
it took me a long time to feel anything else but the cold
for a long time I found a home within the loss and no one knew how to reach me
for a long time I only felt death while my legs kept moving aimlessly here on earth

Now I am here to tell you how I got my soul back.

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My home in the sky

She needed a moment. A time out. A peace out. She needed to get herself out of her thoughts and get herself back with… So she excited the four walls, walked up a hill and looked around. All around her were trees that helped her breathe and then she remembered to look up. You see… for a long time she had forgotten how the sky was her escape, her home away from home. She had been looking down for a while and trying to close her eyes during prayer, during meditation but her focus had been off.  Shaky at best. So she found a perfect spot under an old tree and laid on the grass. According to yoga,  she’s doing the corps pose, but if you ask her she is getting back to basics, being with the ground. Her body slowly changed its breathing and her eyes, it was like the first time a baby seeing Mama. She couldn’t stop smiling and was just focused on her home in the sky. Her mind was at ease, cool and calm. She,  for a moment was untouchable.

 

 

Fine doesn’t mean fine.

EVERYTHING IS OKAY
while my  anxiety rules every single healthy thought I used to have

LIFE IS GREAT
yes, I am firming this smile
if I stop smiling, the tears will start
last time I cried so hard my heart skipped a beat

DON’T WORRY
I keep forgetting the happy memories
is like the pain has swallowed the little bit of happiness I had left

I AM FINE 
I am still breathing even though my soul plays with death every night

I am not your witness

by whispering to me
whilst my eyes were betraying my heart
you tried to own me from within
slowly your voice filled up my hours
this home became your house

I needed my soul back
so I put a world in between us
as you poured yourself into your words
I would sit there and let my heart overrule your thoughts

now you are living
without a witness
without my presence

May you breathe easier

When it comes to life whatever the situation we are dealing with in our heads or out there in the world, at the end of a long day I want to breathe a little easier. For me to be able to breathe and actually feel my entire body means I am aware and I am accepting myself. Call it reflection, meditation, prayer I want to be able to breathe always a little bit  easier. When stress comes back for a commitment and takes away my ability to breathe it changes everything. It’s not even about that I want to be free of anything that gives me stress because to be free of that means I want to be free of my life and my life is blessed.  It’s about learning to commit to myself before believing whatever outside is telling me to believe about myself. Call it happiness. Call It peace. But if I can breathe easier no matter what the day has brought me, I am living. So I hope you are breathing a little easier  as well.