Ameen

I did not make my own grave
while trying to chain myself to the old
but instead of burying it, saying farewell
it holds my house upright
the new has opened every single door
as I walk barefoot through every room
holding the smouldering frankincense
in the hands that were moulded by the old

I pray with an open heart
greet both of my Angels
and say thanks to Him
I look at the moment
when I coughed out fragments of my soul

and I was left with the nuur

all I could hear was my laboured breath
throat wound as a reminder, lasting on
I think to myself

even in that moment I kept on breathing

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Drink Tea

it whistles. you get up and leave. I fold up every memory we created add it to one cup that is sitting alone but not lonely. I pour every drop of sweat into my cup. it runs over. my black hand does not feel.  the memories flood the empty house. the cup shatters in between the weak pillars. my cheekbones. the only bones that know heaven are covered in salt. not with the imprint of-. I drink too much now my womb is ugly. maybe if I stop drinking my body will be able to hold love.

 

January

Let your voice enter this world; 

as a protest, a war, a declaration against him that keeps telling you to close your Mother’s lips. Do not burn yourself at night and scream your truth into rooms that have no windows. Do not go on your knees and let the humans become your judge and jury. Your knees should only bend for God. Let your Mother’s voice give life to you even when it leaves them into chaos. Take your place into this world and decorate your space with whatever you please. Whatever, you, you, you please. It is a privilege to be you. It is a privilege to be alive. Now go and live. LIVE.

She stopped breathing through the tears

for the love of your mother
never let her labour, your birth
go to waste

her whispers of truth filled up the air
they made the air so heavy that it became impossible to breathe

the truth will set you free
the truth will kill your darlings

may the sun burn away your outer self
may it scorch your earth

may the elements come together
and invite the new

eyes that will not lower their gaze
for no man, no how, no way in hell or for heaven

Keep on breathing.

when the sirens come
know that I am holding in my breath
because when the sirens come
and I exhale
I have to face change
change I didn’t ask for
change I never prayed for
but change I need to give that nod to

Apparently closure means complete acceptance
accepting of what has been lost and what it is left in your present
So do we ever find closure in grief… do we ever stop grieving?

closure is complete acceptance
to accept I may need to unclench my fists and let go of my old breath

No Answer.

do not call me resilient
the backbone of your little world

do not call me the one
that will suffer for your consequences
to be patient
so you can hold me accountable
for your discrepancies

do not call me the one that will absorb your pain
and give birth to something pretty
to be both mother and father

do not call me the strong one that will carry
a whole village on her tired bones
the one that will bite her tongue
while your legs are nowhere to be found

do not call me the one that will reap the benefits in the afterlife
because she suffered silently here alone int the dark

do not call me because I won’t answer