Let’s go!

Time to make
a real commitment
to your dreams

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Have a little faith?

To give a decade to someone and get nothing in return made me understand that I need to stop. I had so much faith in people that I ignored myself in the process. Instead of being realistic of what was truly going on I found myself tired, sick and it affected my entire existence.  I became conscious that my attachment to them was hurting me. I had two choices, cut  them off as boundaries were not working or burn my soul in exchange for their presence.

How many chances do you give before you are emotionally done with them and the situation? The moment I became disappointed  and the respect I had for them went out the window I stopped caring. As individuals you are responsible for your own actions and I understood that I could not cross another line just to have them in my life. I stopped burning myself as it was endangering the state of my mental health.

In some sense I became fixated on the situation because I think I was too scared to deal with myself. To tend to my own dreams and really go out into unknown for my own life left be anxious. After I took a break from the entire situation I slowly became committed to what gives me joy, which is writing poetry. I pushed myself when it comes to my blog and even started to collaborate with other creatives. As I was flourishing I came to the understanding that I was blocking my own blessings. Allah, blessed me with common sense and a passion and I neglected it because I was scared. That fear made me look outside and found myself trying to change myself in order to be accepted by the other, in exchange for love. Love was always there from Allah and the second I understood that I slowly found myself again. This experience forced me to put my faith into Allah because He only truly knows my heart and my intentions. That faith was like putting faith back into the person I used to be. What I understand now is that loving yourself will hurt people. It is okay. If your conscious is clean and you are going after what makes your heart beat then let them be hurt. You will be fine without them.

My conscious is clean.
All that matter is this…
God knows.
I know.

Forever the realist

I know I can have him
but to have him back again
means I have to swallow my truth
ignore what feels just
make a bad move for myself
and tell him that he runs my life

I want him back before the foolishness
before he went with his ego
and left me with his disrespect
I can want, dream and yearn all day
but he will not change.. not for me

Lost girl went to Africa

We have all answered and even asked the question: ”Where are you really from?”. I knew where I was from in terms of my ethnicity and heritage but I had no Somali identity to speak of.  When it came to my Somali culture I was clueless, speaking the language felt like a war in my mouth and having an emotional interest or feeling invested in my community (here in the West or the one in Africa) was non existent.

Two days after my 25th birthday I separated from London town and embarked on the most beautiful journey, love affair, fairy tale, story with Mama, yes Mama Africa. East Africa to be exact. You would think that an adult  that has a degree in  HUMAN GEOGRAPHY  I would have at least Googled.. ANYTHING about what to expect in Mama Africa, right? No, not me. I did not research, present some questions to my family or even try and  create  a concrete plan about what I was going to do there. All I knew was that London town and I  were not a good terms, the love was not there and I felt that London town (the place where there are endless opportunities) was not letting me grow. Yes, it does sound that this trip started off as a quarter life crisis/ melt down  and that I was focused more on leaving than actually arriving somewhere else. In all honesty, I was ready to be in a place where everything was new and different. East Africa did that for me in ways that I did not think were possible.