January

Let your voice enter this world; 

as a protest, a war, a declaration against him that keeps telling you to close your Mother’s lips. Do not burn yourself at night and scream your truth into rooms that have no windows. Do not go on your knees and let the humans become your judge and jury. Your knees should only bend for God. Let your Mother’s voice give life to you even when it leaves them into chaos. Take your place into this world and decorate your space with whatever you please. Whatever, you, you, you please. It is a privilege to be you. It is a privilege to be alive. Now go and live. LIVE.

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She stopped breathing through the tears

for the love of your mother
never let her labour, your birth
go to waste

her whispers of truth filled up the air
they made the air so heavy that it became impossible to breathe

the truth will set you free
the truth will kill your darlings

may the sun burn away your outer self
may it scorch your earth

may the elements come together
and invite the new

eyes that will not lower their gaze
for no man, no how, no way in hell or for heaven

Keep on breathing.

when the sirens come
know that I am holding in my breath
because when the sirens come
and I exhale
I have to face change
change I didn’t ask for
change I never prayed for
but change I need to give that nod to

Apparently closure means complete acceptance
accepting of what has been lost and what it is left in your present
So do we ever find closure in grief… do we ever stop grieving?

closure is complete acceptance
to accept I may need to unclench my fists and let go of my old breath

No Answer.

do not call me resilient
the backbone of your little world

do not call me the one
that will suffer for your consequences
to be patient
so you can hold me accountable
for your discrepancies

do not call me the one that will absorb your pain
and give birth to something pretty
to be both mother and father

do not call me the strong one that will carry
a whole village on her tired bones
the one that will bite her tongue
while your legs are nowhere to be found

do not call me the one that will reap the benefits in the afterlife
because she suffered silently here alone int the dark

do not call me because I won’t answer

 

Go back.

you were ugly today

your temper became stronger than your patience
your humanity for a moment gave up on faith

after life swallowed you whole and spat you out
you whispered:

”Let my faith in God be stronger than my humanity
May I care more for the next life than this small moment.
May I always turn to You before turning to a temporary soul.”

I was ugly today and I still went back to God.

How I got my soul back

as I held onto the wall I almost poured out my entire soul until he stopped me
as my conscious came to the understanding
that I had lost the woman that had birthed me
he tried to make eye contact with me
trying to tell me that I should not cry like that
that I should remain calm

as he held my arm and slowly brought me back to my new present
I did not even have the strength to get his hands off of me

as we were leaving the only thing I could feel was the cold
my lips were cold from the last kisses I gave her

it took me a long time to get my soul back from the brink of death
it took me a long time to feel anything else but the cold
for a long time I found a home within the loss and no one knew how to reach me
for a long time I only felt death while my legs kept moving aimlessly here on earth

Now I am here to tell you how I got my soul back.