Keep on breathing.

when the sirens come
know that I am holding in my breath
because when the sirens come
and I exhale
I have to face change
change I didn’t ask for
change I never prayed for
but change I need to give that nod to

Apparently closure means complete acceptance
accepting of what has been lost and what it is left in your present
So do we ever find closure in grief… do we ever stop grieving?

closure is complete acceptance
to accept I may need to unclench my fists and breathe

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How I got my soul back

as I held onto the wall I almost poured out my entire soul until he stopped me
as my conscious came to the understanding
that I had lost the woman that had birthed me
he tried to make eye contact with me
trying to tell me that I should not cry like that
that I should remain calm

as he held my arm and slowly brought me back to my new present
I did not even have the strength to get his hands off of me

as we were leaving the only thing I could feel was the cold
my lips were cold from the last kisses I gave her

it took me a long time to get my soul back from the brink of death
it took me a long time to feel anything else but the cold
for a long time I found a home within the loss and no one knew how to reach me
for a long time I only felt death while my legs kept moving aimlessly here on earth

Now I am here to tell you how I got my soul back.

Family

Yes, I am from the diaspora
Yes, I am the girl from outside

BUT

Maybe I am becoming more aware of my own humanity
Maybe the loss of the one who birthed me makes me feel things more deeply
Maybe it is seeing my people express their pain through tears and poetry

Here I am in front of the screen
thousand of miles away
grieving with you all