by leaning on time
I am slowly learning to love myself
one day I will welcome myself back
no more will I rely on the love of others
I long for a hug covered in sweet warmth and understanding
to take away my blue anxiety and make it green again
make my blue anxiety, a place of growth, green hope
hold me close and stop time for me
right now everything is going so fast
my tongue wants to say the deep thoughts to strangers
they who do not have care for me but have wide grins
so stop me and stop time from pushing me
a hug and someone that makes my back a bit softer
less scarred from the things they throw at me
someone that does not know the entire horror story
but feels the atmosphere of my being
What is this time you talk about?
Why do you think that ”we have all the time in the world.”
Do you know when we are going to die?
Do you know when we began and when we will end?
Did you buy time and saved it somewhere?
Since when has time become free?
You keep telling me to slow down
because I speak fast
but time is not on my side
Time has been chipping away at my life.
I see that time has a hold on me
so I keep trying to life through it
whilst you are trying to beat
its entire identity
This is poem that I wrote today after watching Buddy Wakefield
perform “Guitar Repair Woman” in London.
You said that you haven’t seen your mother in over 16 months.
As I watched the alcohol soak into your heart I wanted to say:
“I haven’t seen my mother in over 6 years
and I will never see her again in this life. ”
What will you do Buddy
when the woman that made you live
will be taken away by the night?
Did you know that at night
our souls dances between this world and the next
That yes our bodies finds rest at night
but our souls.. well they fight and ooh they fight
What happens when she isn’t yours no more but of death?
When she has taken all your trust away
and all that’s left is you.
When you’re all alone, hyperventilating
trying to steal the air of the ones who do have mothers.
Will you crumble? Will you die?
Or will you try and go through the 5 stages of grief?
Or will depression take away your soul
and leave your legs behind to move aimlessly in this world?
Mothers they have that thing,
that urge to be there for you
whereas others they will grow tired of you
In the end you may learn to settle or worse learn to trust yourself.
Buddy how is this going to end?