I want his love and ignore everything else about him
Communicate. We are not married so I cannot be around you and talk to you every single day. Yes, I will disappear, zone out and even put my phone on airplane mode because sometimes I need to be alone with my own baggage. But when I pick my phone back up and you tell me about your bad news… my heart will not only ache for you but I will drop my baggage and find a good connection where I am not projecting my mindset on to you. I will focus on you, listen to how you are feeling and ask the questions that you need to answer. I will then offer you the advice that may help you even when I sound like the biggest hyprocrite on earth. I’ll ask God to listen your prayers and I pray that you will find solace in Him too. When you let me know about your good news my heart will grow so big that my own rib cage will have a hard time containing it. I will be your biggest hype man and pray that your blessings will keep on coming for forever and ever.
I have a responsibility to my tribe. This is my commitment.
How can you commit to me when you keep letting the world into our bed?
Noop not a piece of poetry instead in this blog post I will be discussing how East Africa has changed many relationships in my life beginning with my relationship with FOOD.
Prior to this trip I always went for chocolate and carbs. On the other end of the spectrum I would avoid red meat because the texture and the taste never sat well with me. It did not matter how it was prepared. You could fry it, bake it, make it dance I still would say nah. All in all my diet needed to change where I was in control and not my messed up taste buds. Not going to lie it was an experience.. to say the least.
My lowest point was at this restaurant where I asked for a fish burger, the waiter came back with a tuna sandwich. A part of me wanted to speak to the waiter and sort it out but the other part of me did not have the energy so I ate that tuna sandwich.. it had mayonnaise which was the first processed thing that entered my body in three weeks.
That clean eating life style, became my actual life for four glorious months. Everything was made from scratch, I did not taste or even could find a single E-number and my body suffered. My body was making weird noises and the toilet and I.. well let’s say we had a thing going on. My body was screaming for chocolate and for some reason I did not come across any chocolate in any of the shops. I did what I had to do. I took a screenshot of chocolate bars and showed it to one of the shop owners and he said: ”Yeah, we don’t sell any of that.” See, I asked him and two other people and they all said the exact same thing. I bit my lip and went home. My body kept crying, my brain kept dreaming of chocolate and after a while I was looking forward to my unprocessed, clean, mother nature’s, basic meals. Changed occurred apart from the obvious such as losing weight and having clear skin, mentally I felt like an adult, a strong woman that did not crave chocolate no more. Weakness became my foe and powerful I became.
Visiting the market opened my eyes to how vegetables genuinely come in different shapes, sizes and colors. Those potatoes that you just bought they used to be covered in mud. One day I remember I had to make the salad (by the way the dressing was just lime juice, it is so amazing) and I found myself trying to figure out what this weird long looking vegetable was suppose to be. At first I thought it must be a courgette that did not get enough sunlight but then I was told that it is a cucumber. This cucumber was not thin or perfectly straight or even green, but it was the juiciest cucumber ever. A fruit or a vegetable does not have to look perfect for it to taste good good. Yes, that is a life lesson, you’re welcome.
Coming back from my travels I wanted to have a chocolate bar. The reason why I wanted a chocolate bar was because finally I had access. How was my first chocolate bar? Let’s just say the chocolate bar was not devoured in heavenly bliss. After I felt like my taste buds betrayed me I tried dark chocolate (70 per cent) and we got married.
The dreams I had about Nando’s, pizza, fried chicken.. (the list my friend is never ending) did not become a reality since I have come home. The urge, the need, the cravings are no more, 9/10 the main meal is enough and snacking has become a myth. However that does not mean that I will ever give up on my apple pie and vanilla ice cream.
She has lost her dreams
She not only needs to make peace with that
her heart needs to learn to live
like she did before everything changed.
She has to grieve.
She needs to feel it
Go through everything
At a point she will see herself again
and seeing him as a past
In a realistic way but still with a bit of pain
Let her go through it.
She lost a big love not a true love
a love that she trusted but scarred her so deeply
that she needs to learn to nurture herself without him.
That is the biggest sin he has ever committed… so far
Give her time to trust her instincts again
I suppose to feel whole again without him.
Otherwise she will never truly move on
Despite the fact that time is passing by
and when she does meet her true love
she won’t be open to it
When great chances beg her to accept them
She won’t even have time for an acknowledgement
She lost some of her dreams
I wouldn’t wish that heartache on anyone.
Sit with her.
Listen to her.
Let your eyes
acknowledge the pain.
will see her living again
Even the possibility of a never ending love can break the most independent person
Hold my hand
When the skies are dark
Hold my hand
When it all falls apart
Hold my hand
When our lives grow
Hold my hand
When I need you and more
I will hold yours
Through it all
We will hold each other
For we are one, we are together