Fine doesn’t mean fine.

EVERYTHING IS OKAY
while my  anxiety rules every single healthy thought I used to have

LIFE IS GREAT
yes, I am firming this smile
if I stop smiling, the tears will start
last time I cried so hard my heart skipped a beat

DON’T WORRY
I keep forgetting the happy memories
is like the pain has swallowed the little bit of happiness I had left

I AM FINE 
I am still breathing even though my soul plays with death every night

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your love almost made me drown
drowned out my ability to hear my own voice
the voice of self respect, my mama’s voice

I will always remember myself squeezing your big thumb
my hands begging you to stay forever
but my voice telling you farewell my temporary love

small pieces of my heart returned back to its sender
and I was left with a throat filled with gaping wounds

when new lovers try and share their blessings with me
I am still unable to swallow
too scared that when they move on
my body will be left in chaos again